Current mood:

melancholy

"Classes Are Over," Says Slighty Startled Student
You know what is a big ego boost? To run into someone multiple times in a day and every time getting some sort of compliment for a different reason.

Today was the last day of classes, but despite that "big" event I didn't really do anything.

Here is an achievement, For this entire semester I have forgotten that I work on Thursday morning. So this means every Wednesday night I stay up really late thinking that I don't have class until 3:30, so what harm could it do? As I get ready for bed I suddenly remember, "I've got work at 9! FUCK!" Now repeat that scenario for an entire semester and you have my pathetic situation. Argh! I was late to work! And after my fuck up last time at work, it made it all the more caressing.

But after that I just hung out. I laid down on the grass and relaxed until class time. In short it was wonderful. It has been a long time since I've done that.

Class was pretty chill. All we had to do was take a little quiz filled with questions to prove that we actually read the books we were supposed to. And the fates were smiling on me today, because awhile before class I had been looking up some info on The Three-Inch Golden Louts because I want to write my final paper on it, but I'm not quite sure what my thesis for it will be. But all that looking up stuff did remind me that the author's name is Feng Jicai. Then on the quiz there it was, "What was the name of the author of The Three-Inch Golden Louts?" Haha, sweet.

I talked with Carolyn quite a bit today, quite a bit more than usual which was cool. Apparently my comment to her LJ post actually helped her out. Which is awesome. Actually managing to help someone with a problem is like the world saying, "Hey buddy, nice work." And it seems she liked my weird drawing, which adds to my happiness. I'm always nervous when I actually try to draw real people. So to hear that they liked it is always a relief, much better than if it had been, "So who is this supposed to be?" ARGHH! that would suck.

Why is my mood icon crying? Stop it! I mean melancholy as in sober thoughtfulness, not as in depressed. Stop weeping little kitty creature...please?

So today was the day of the big trance dance party. Wow, I kind of hate party days. They are like being picked on, except you are doing it to yourself. People always seem to pity me when I tell them I'd rather not go and party. Sure they'll say things like, "Well whatever makes you happy", but you can hear pity in their voices. I was even accused of not being comfortable with my body. I don't think that's fair. Eh, whatever. A couple people's comments got under my skin tonight, but it is my thing not theirs. They were just trying to be nice. It does mean a lot to me that people keep asking.

But yeah. I don't really like parties, but because of that I get stuck sitting around finding little things to do to amuse me. It is really annoying.
Brain:"Look at them, look they're having fun, but here you are stuck sitting because why?"
Me:"Because I wouldn't be having fun in there either?"
Brain: "Well your personality has you stuck in a boring night here little buddy."
Me: *sigh* "yeah"

But on a brighter side I got to watch A Prairie Home Companion, because no one ever wants to watch it. Everyone always makes fun of me for the sole reason that it has Lindsay Lohan in it. Who the fuck cares? The movie has Maya Rudolph, Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones, Maryl Streep, Kevin Kline, Garrison Keillor and John C. Riley (among others) and you only care that Lindsay Lohan is in it? That movie is not only hilarious, but it is a little heartwarming at the same time. So I throughly enjoyed watching that. I also listened to some great This American Life episodes and practiced juggling for a bit. Read some more Terry Pratchett. Not much went on here, but the little that did was fun.

Damn, whenever I get into a slightly bad mood I start thinking about similar things and it doesn't help at all. An example being that in writing this post I've used the word "buddy" a couple of times, I can't help but remember that when I was little my cousin Tyrel used to call me that. Funny how often good memories lead to bad ones. But when feeling low, you can always count on some poems to get you back in sorts. And for my money there is no poet better than Shel Silverstein.

"I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head."

"Have you been to the land of happy,
Where everyone's happy all day,
Where they joke and they sing
Of the happiest things,
And every thing's jolly and gay?
There's no one unhappy in Happy
There's laughter and smiles galore.
I have been to The Land of Happy-
What a bore"

"Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!"

Well I think it is time for bed. The nighttime Whatifs are quite real, but like usual, it doesn't take much more than a good night's sleep and a new day to put things right again. Life is just cool like that.


P.S. unless otherwise stated with posts like this I'd really rather you not bring them up with me. it is just me being all blah and ive had people come up to me after such things and being concerend for my well being, which is sweet, but it just makes me self conscious about putting shit like that in my journal to begin with. and if you want to continue to know how im doing then you dont want to make me self conscious about it, cause then the only shit youll get are summaries of events, links, and quiz results.